What they don’t tell us about Impostor Syndrome

Last month, our guest speaker, Afsaneh R., discussed impostor syndrome in our “In Conversations With” session. During this session, many participants shared some familiar feelings and thoughts:

“I’m not good enough…”

“You are always questioning your abilities…”

“You blame yourself.”

“Where do I fit in this new country?”

“[The fear that] they’ll find out I don’t belong here…”

This conversation brought a lot of feelings and memories back to the surface. Like many other migrant women out there, I also thought that the feeling of questioning if you were good enough to be in your job was some type of impostor syndrome. That the feeling of not deserving my first professional job here in Australia was just one of the symptoms.

Well, it was not.

Understanding the Conundrum of Impostor Syndrome in Migrant Women

As a migrant woman, feeling like an outsider is commonplace. And due to our migrant context, it is easy to misinterpret systemic bias and exclusion as a fault in ourselves. And yes, also as feelings of undeservedness and feeling like a fraud. As migrants, we leave behind many things that help us navigate and face adversity – we leave our support network (our family and lifelong friends), the familiarity of our surroundings, the comfort, and even small things such as the smell and taste of our traditional food that can be so comforting.

I always thought only successful women might feel impostor syndrome – so, how could I be feeling it when I felt like a failure? I didn’t realise until much later that what I experienced wasn’t about feeling like a fraud or underserving of my achievements. It was not imposter syndrome. It was, as Ruchika Tulshyan and Jodi-Ann Burey summarise it so eloquently, “the result of systemic bias and exclusion.”

Challenges Faced by Migrant Women in Professional Settings

When you have to start from scratch in a new country because your experience and credentials aren’t recognised, it is a significant hit to your ego and confidence. This is something that, if I’m being completely honest, I’m still grappling with today. I had a master’s degree and more than five years of work experience in communications and marketing when I started my first job here in Australia – yet I had to start right at the bottom. But I was so grateful to even have a professional job that I didn’t even ask how much money they were going to pay me. I was grateful for whatever they could spare me and whatever role they would give me, no questions asked.

My self-doubt began when I started believing what a manager in one of my first jobs here in Australia thought of me. They repeatedly told me I wasn’t good enough in so many ways and so many times that, over time, I internalised their words. I remember having to detail step-by-step instructions to my manager on how I was going to import a list of contacts into MailChimp and then send a campaign to this list of emails. For those not familiar with this, this is Basic 101 comms knowledge. Not only was it taxing and a waste of both our time, but it was also extremely demoralising for me. Every piece of content I wrote was completely edited and changed by the manager, without any clarification of why they decided to use a particular word instead of another. The message was still the same, but how I wrote didn’t seem to be enough for them for some unfathomable reason. I started to doubt my writing skills, even my English skills. I began to believe that having a second language was a barrier instead of a skill. I started to feel like a fraud.

Then, they stopped listening to my ideas until finally, I went utterly silent. It was no surprise when they just stopped including me in the work at all, but it still hurt. That’s when my mini panic attacks came back. I started to doubt all of my previous credentials and work experience – Did I deserve my master’s diploma? Had I chosen the wrong career?  And even worse, I started to doubt all of my past achievements – were they really deserving? Did I really earn them? I was terrified to have one-on-ones with the manager, always eager to end the call as soon as possible so I could cry without an audience. I thought I had finally found the sector I wanted to work in, but all I heard from leadership at that time was that maybe, this sector was just not for me. There are no words to describe what it feels like when someone you look up to tells you that you don’t belong in a place when you finally feel that you belong…

Those words broke me utterly and completely.

I was devastated.

I had never wanted to ‘throw the towel’, and just go back to my parents’ arms more than I did at that moment.

Rebuilding my Confidence and Self-Belief

Fortunately, I was able to build myself up again thanks to my partner and my community. Having people believe in you when you felt no one else did, not even yourself, was what kept me going. It was what made me prove them wrong just by believing in myself, as hard as it took, and following a career path, my gut always told me I belonged to.

What they don’t tell you about impostor syndrome is that it can be used as a tool to drag women like us, down. But I’m here to tell you: Don’t let microaggressions, and the expectations and assumptions of others formed by stereotypes and racism define you. Don’t let them gaslight you into believing you have no worth, skills or anything of value to add. Don’t let them turn healthy self-doubt and lack of confidence into a weapon against you. Just coming to a new country and building a new life is something to be proud of. It is a success in itself. Having English as a second or third language is a skill and an achievement.

Your experiences matter!

Your skills matter!

Your education matters!

YOU matter!

Don’t let them make you believe otherwise.

Written by: Lina Orozco M.